We're Cops!
We're Cops! is Season 2's 9th episode of Dick Figures. Plot Transcript ﻿Red: (walks up to a squad car) Oh! Hey, cop car. Where are your drivers? Oh, you don't got anyone to drive you? So sad. How 'bout Red hop in and we could go get us some slurpies? (Blue walks on the sidewalk while humming) Red: (through megaphone) Get on the ground, asshole! (Blue drops to the ground, scared) Do it, do it now! ﻿Don't move. I'll shoot your legs off, you pussy face, son of a yeller belly! Red: (pulls up next to Blue, laughing) Ah, you should have seen the look on your face. Blue: Red? You douchebag, you scared the-- Holy shit, did you steal a cop car? Red: Yeah, check this bad boy out. Got sirens, too. (Turns them on) Woop, woop. Blue: Dude, you can't steal a cop car, you know how that illegal that is? Red. Pfft, who's gonna pull over a cop car? Nobody. Blue: Wow, that actually makes a lot of sense. That's a little scary. (Shows them in the car while Red shoots at random people. A girl screams.) Red: Whoo, baby! This is awesome! Dude, I just shot a hooker! Blue: Yeah, I was just thinking about littering. But I'd never do it. Radio Voice: All cars, we got 10-83 on 3rd & Jefferson, all units in the city, respond. (They pull up to a place called Beershatzy. An officer, bartender, and dead body are seen inside.) Red: All right, what do we got? Officer: Triple crimicide. Troop's AWOL'd, but the vic has multiple BLTs in the head. Cut and dry. Red: That's damn good police work, police guy. Bartender: (brings them beers) You boys keep fighting the good fight. Red: Wait, these are...free? Bartender: Yup, always on the house for cops. Red: Yeah... we're cops! (Grabs the beer and sips it.) (In the car) Radio Voice: All units, we got a 5-0-4 at State & Main. Please respond. (Shows a pizza delivery guy named Phil giving them stacks of pizza) Red: (eating) We're cops. Blue: We're cops. Red: We're cops. Blue: We're cops. (In the car, eating pizza) Radio Voice: 852 on West 57. (They are inside a medical facility with red eyes while the two street artists are there) Red: (pulling a wagon full of bags of marijuana) We're cops! Ahahaha. Blue: We're totally cops. (In the car, smoking) Radio Voice: We got a PDR at the IBM. (Red and Blue watch two women dance on a pole at a strip club) Blue: Ohh....we're cops. Red: Jiggly, jiggly cops. (One of the women throws her bra onto his face.) Lord Tourettes: Hahaha, I love '''FUCKING '''breasts! (In the car with stuff in the back) Blue: Dude, this is amazing! Look at all this free shit we're getting. Red: I know! I should steal cars more often. Radio Voice: Car 69, where are you going in such a hurry? Red: Oh, butts, that's us. Uh, uh, there's a bank robbery happening right now. Radio Voice: There's a bank robbery?! Red: Uhh...yeah! A huge one! We're heading there right now, radio man. Whoo! (Turns on sirens) Blue: (getting tense) Dude, where are you going? Red: Didn't you hear? There's a bank robbery! Blue: What? No, there's not! Red: Protect and serve, mothafu-- (The car crashes into the bank. Red and Blue get out of the car with guns.) Red: Everybody, watch out! You're gettin' robbed! (People run away and scream. Red points his gun at a teller.) Red: Where's all your money? Teller: (crying) Please don't kill me! Red: (low voice) Please don't make me. (The vault opens and Red and Blue enter.) Red: Quick! We gotta protect all this cash. Blue: So no one can steal it. Red: Yeah, yeah. Blue: Good thinking. (Both exit the bank with the cash.) Officer: Freeze, fuckers! (Cops aim their guns at them.) Blue: Oh, shit. Dude, what do we do? Red: Leave it to me. 'Sall right...we're cops! (Long silence.) Officer #1: It's cool, they're cops. Officer #2: They're cops. Officer #3: They're cops. Officer #4: They're cops. Officer #5: They're cops. Officer #6: Cops. Red: Yeah, we're cops! Officer #7: Whoo, we're cops! Red: (dancing) ♪Cops is what we are.♪ Officer #1: We're cops, too. (They start dancing.) Officer: Look at us, we're all cops. (An officer pops open a beer bottle, Red nails a female officer, Blue kicks open a cash bag, and others say "cops" as everybody dances or fires their guns.) -Episode ends- Recurring Gags ﻿Auto-Tuned Singing None Red Floating None Episode Ending The I's have been replaced with police cars and you hear a cop say 'Aw, man, it's awesome being a cop'. The Last Word Being Cut None﻿ Trivia *The police car number is 69, which is considered a sexual number﻿. *Red talks to inanimate objects. *Red is actually smart sometimes, since he knows no one will pull over a cop car and he realized the excuse for stealing is that he's a cop. *When the police officer was describing the murder, much of the terms didn't make sense. *The voice in the radio is just saying random numbers and names. *This is one of the only episodes where Blue has a happy ending. *This is the second episode where Lord Tourettes appeared and did not die. *This might be the first time Red drives a vechile in person, since Blue does more driving than Red. Continuity *Second appearance of the street artists, first was in Lord Tourettes' Syndrome. *Second appearance of the police officer, first was in Kitty Amazing. *Second time Red robs a bank, first was in Fang Angels. Category:Season 2 Category:Episodes